Hunger Games Logic-Hunger Games
by CheesebunsTheWriter
Summary: First installment in my messed-up AWESOME retarded READ ITS FUNNEH! Review!
1. Chapter 1

**_Peeta's diary in the Hunger Games_**

_Dear Diary,_

I just joined the careers. They are crazy bastards. But I did it to protect Katniss. I think Cato and Clove have a 'thing', considering I saw them sucking faces behind a tree. AWWW, SO CWUTE! I tried to watch MLP on my mini TV(I stole it from the Capitol, thats right, Im bad!) under a bush so they wouldnt spot me, but Glimmer found me and took it from me. (:() Anyways, today we are going to kill some other people. I HOPE WE DONT FIND KATNISS! Thats the end of this entry, because Cato is sucking Clove's face behind a tree, and I plan to be a witness of it.

**Katniss's diary in the Hunger Games**

_Dear Diary,_

I am stuck in a stupid tree. The sun is going down, and Im sure somone is gonna die tonight. OMFG! Can you beleive this?! This dumba** girl has made a fire in plain sight, and Im very close to it. This is sure to lure the Careers to her. Well, shes gonna die. Wait, I hear footsteps, (o.o) *Le gasp* Its the Careers! And...PEETA?! WTF DUDE!(:( )Cato has stabbed the girl in the back...(0.0) I should hide. Well, dueces for now. Y('-')Y

**Peeta's diary**

Cato has ordered me to see if the girl is dead. She wasnt. So I put my secret weapon by her ear, so I wouldnt have to kill her myself. I pressed the button on the little cube (TEHHEEE, ANOTHER THING I STOLE FROM THE CAPITOL!) And left. Wanna know what it does? It plays music. It plays this very annoying song, called 'Baby'.It killed her instantly, of course, I went back and got the cube. _And i was like, BABY BABY BABY OHHHHH LIKE BABY BABY BABY NUUUUUUU, LIKE BABY BABY BABY OHHHHH, I THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MINE, MINE!_ Yeah. Its even annoying when i write it. Anyways, while we stomped through the woods, I couldve swore i heard some cracks in the trees, but I was like 'Fu** it.'. I AM REALLY GETTING SCARED WE MIGHT RUN INTO KATNISS! She's my...my..BABY BABY BABY OHHHH! Sorry. End of entry.

**Katniss's Diary**

When I see Peeta, I will rip the flesh off of his bones. How could he? Friggin' hypocrite! *Sigh* I want a taco. Oh ya, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT A TACO IS! Holy sh** The careers are coming I am in a tree.~~~~~~~~~~~ SORRY, i do squigly when im scared. So when they got to the base of my tree, I did the only thing I could do. The most drastic of all moves.

I waved. :3

Cato started climbing the tree. So I started climbing higher. I flicked the finger at him, and he seemed so offended that he stepped on a dead branch and went flying to the ground. That was the funniest sh** EVAH. His face was like (D:) and I was like (XD). He landed on his back. I started laughing and pointing at his stupid face. I looked at Peeta. He was like ('o') Why do i keep using emoticons to describe people's face expressions? Eh, end of Entry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Peeta's Pov**

They found her. OMFG THEY GONNA KILL HER! I MUST STOP THEM! Someone sent a arrow flying towards her. She stopped her laughing and ducked. Missed. She shook her head. I couldn't take it. So I suggested we wait her out, she wasnt going anywhere. They all agreed and set up camp. Katniss stuck her tounge out at me, (FRENCH KISSER, I SEE! HEHEEEHHEE) Then she got pre-occupied with something else, so I just fell asleep. That's what happened..., this is too much tension. HEY WHY IS MY POV SO SHORTER THAN KATNISS'S?! (Oh yeah, someone just told me my brain cant sustain all of this...wow, thanks a lot.)

**Katniss** **POV**

Great. They have set camp below my tree. I stuck my tounge out at Peeta, to express my anger with him(oh, thats still mature for a 17 year old girl. or is it 16? I dunno, we dont keep up with our birthdays in District 12) Then I heard a crack near my tree. I turned to see a giant squirell...AHHHH! MUTTATION! Oh, nevermind, it's just Rue, gosh, she reminds me so much of a squirell. I had had a bow, I would have shot her, because, y'know...Im Katniss Everdeen. She pointed at something above me. I looked up.

Wasp nest. I shrug at her, confused. She facepalms and points at it again. I look more closely. Tracker Jackers...AH HA! She makes a cutting motion with her hands. "Oh, you want me to cut it? And it will fall on them. Ah, I see." I got my knife and start' a' cuttin. A tracker jacker crawls on my arm and stings me. "Get the fu** off me, you friggin wasp." I say in pain. Another comes out. And another. Oh sh**. They start stinging me. NO! IM ALMOST DONE CUTTING! GOT IT! YA BIOTCHES! TAKE THAT CAREERS! AND PEETA!

The nest falls to the ground, erupting in a cloud of tracker jackers. The Careers scream. Cato and Clove run towards the lake. Peeta runs into a tree falls on the ground , gets up turns around, gets stung in the rear, and stumbles after Cato and Clove. Glimmer is the one twisting hysterically on the ground. "NUUUU! NOT TEH BEES! MY EYES! AHHHH! NNNuuuUUUU!" and it was over. The cannon fired. That bi*** had my bow! MY BELOVED BOW! I jumped down from the tree, still woozy from the stings. I wobbled to the plump body. My bow was under her spine. I tried to roll her, but gosh, she was_ heavy!_

I saw the stinkin hovercraft coming to get her. I walked backed from the body, and ran right into it rolling it over. I got the bow before she could roll back. "HELL YA!" But, I was woozy. Like, really woozy. I was seeing unicorns the size of ants running up my body. I heard a crack in the woods. Uh...nu...duh careers iz comin, gosh tis venom is geddin to mai grammer, ugh...I point meh bowa towards teh woods. Peeta stumbled out,(ok, ill talk normal now) he got ready to throw that knife, but then he saw me. "KATNISS? WHADYA DOIN HERE! RUN MY LOVE, RUN! RUN BEFO CATO THE FATO COMES!" Peeta shouted so loud my eardrums are about to explode.

"Way to keep me concealed, Peeta. Now Cato-Fato will kill us both." Peeta prods me with the sheath of his knife. "Well we are not supposed to meet up yet, so you might wanna go." Peeta explains. I get up and run. Peeta shreiks is horror as Cato-Fato appears in front of him. Poor Peeta. I would have gone back if I wasnt high...Im lying to myself again. Am I? Who is Peeta? Who is Gale? OH YA THERE TO BOYS THAT MY MIND IS FIGHTING OVER!


	3. Chapter 3

**Peeta's POV**

What the hell? Katniss has made some clever scheme to drop down a nest of tracker jacker nest on all of us. BUT I KNOW SHE DIDNT MEAN TO HURT ME! Anyways, I got like, 5 stings. I got one on my butt, and it hurts really bad. And my face hurts too, because I ran into a friggin tree. Then I find Katniss all drunk and woozy, saying something about unicorns, with a bow in her hands. I tell her to run, and she makes this smart remark, but I ignore it and start nudging her away until she starts running. Then...CATO?!

I made a shriek of horr-manliness, because, y'know, Im Peeta Mellark. He shoved me to the ground and got his spear. "Cato? Aw, c'mon, i was gonna kill her, but I was woozy, dont be like that. We're all friends here." I sqeak. "BYE-BYE LOVER BOY!" He roared and swung his spear at me. But i rolled to the side and jumped up, getting ready to piss my pants. Forget that manly stuff, IM SCARED AS HELL! Being the smart guy I am, I flicked the finger at him. Wow, Cato gets really emotional over the finger. He bellowed in anger and charged towards me.

"OH SH**!" I exclaim. I turn to run, but I run into a tree...again. What the fu** is up with these trees?! I fall to the ground on impact. Im blacking out...oh gosh...HE STABBED MY LEG! AHHHH! THE PAIN! He stumbles off, leaving me to die. "Nuh-uh, not today, no sir-ee. I must get back to my Katty-Watty." I mumble and start to limp towards nowhere. "IM COMING MY LOVE! JUST RIGHT AFTER RUE DIES!"

**Katniss's POV**

What...thee...fu**. Did Peeta just save my friggin life? I fall into a hole full of Coca-Cola. I learned about coca-cola in the Capitol. I LUV COCA-COLA! But that's besides the point. I just stay in the hole, knowing im imagining things. "My milkshake brings all the boys to yard, and their like, its better than yours, damn right, its better than yours..."I sing quietly.

_10 Minutes Later_

"ITS GETTIN HOT IN HERE, SO TAKE OFF ALL YA CLOTHS, I AM GETTIN SO HOT, I WANNA TAKE MY CLOTHS OFF, OH, ITS GETTIN HOT IN HERR, SO HOT, SO TAKE OFF ALL YA CLOTHS!" I screech. Alright. I have started to sing songs from the old days. Time to get up. I get up. Im not woozy anymore. I am not in Coca-Cola, but a hole full of dead leaves. I crawl out of the hole and crawl to a log. Just in case, I put my fake mustache on, just in case the Careers come. "They'll never recognize me." I whisper. I make a small fire, and cook the rabbit i caught before i got drunk.

Crack.

I blink at the tree. I see half of Rue's body. "You are a horrible hider." I call out to her. She doesnt move. "They are not the only ones that can make alliances, y'know." She comes from behind the tree shyly. "Why do you have a mustache on?" she ask quietly. "Because I am Katniss Everdeen, and Im bringing sexy back." I reply. The best escuse...ever. She shrugs and sits by me. "I can fix your stings." She says. "Oh? How can you?" She takes out a pack of Trident spearmint gum, puts a peice in her mouth, and smacks it on a sting on my neck. Wait...where the hell did she get that? Who cares? It works!

After I am totally covered in chewed up gum, I offer her a rabbit leg. "Are you serious, about the alliance?" Rue ask. "Ya, im serious." She squeals and starts singing MLP. Ugh. We talk about where the Career's camp was, and their supplies. "Oh, i have a an idea, LETS BLOW DAT SH** UP!" I suggest. She smiles and nods. So we arrange a meeting place. I climb on a concealed branch near the Career's camp. It is on a pyrimad. All that food. But its mined. Then a stupid Foxface comes out and starts jumping towards the pile. She stole some apples, and some other stuff I dont care about, then she skips away into the woods, unseen. Oh, so it is mined. Great. The bow. The apples. The bag. The mine plates. AHA! I ready my bow. I was going to shoot the apple sack...*giggle*... and the apples would fall out, falling on to the mind plates. Then that sh** will explode. I get ready to shoot..1...2..TWEEE! I release the arrow. Right in the sack! The apples fall out...

**KABLOWEEEEEE!**

That whole friggin pile exploded. I was blown back. My ear...OH CRUD MY EAR HAS SHUT OFF! All I can hear is buzzing. I lay on my back looking at all the debris flying through the air, smiling in satisfaction. When all goes quiet i crawl back on the branch. The boy that was guarding the pile stared at the debris, jaw dropped. Cato and friends come out. Wow, Cato is mad. Like, really mad. Like, Annie Cresta mad. He howls in rage and starts yelling at the guard-boy. The boy turns to run, but Cato grabs him..and...snaps his little head. Thats just wrong.

**Peeta's POV**

I find a lake. I am gonna die. I must hide. I gasp. MUD! CAMOFLOUGE! I roll in it and make little oinks and put leaves on my head. Then i bury myself beside a rock. A peice of the friggin rock fell on my already hurting face. I groaned and await death...GOODBAI CRUEL WORLD! WHATEVER YOU DO, DONT LET GALE MARRY KATNISS!


	4. Chapter 4

**Katniss's POV**

I walk back to where me and Rue were supposed to meet up. But lil' Rue is not there. "AHHHHH!KATNISSS!HELP!IM BEING BRUTALLY ATTACKED BY SOME IDIOT BOY!" I run towards the screaming "KATNISS TO THE RESCUE!" I shout unnecissarily. I come across a clearing. Rue was trapped in a net...and the boy the boy just stabbed her right in the stomach. Holy sh**. I shoot that boy right in the sack. He screeches "FUUUUUUUUUU!" and tumbles to the ground.

"Katniss, not to the rescue." I say sadly as I release Rue from the net. I lay her softly on the ground. "Sing me a song, Katniss." Rue wheezes. "Alright." I begin.

_There's a stranger in my bed_

_Theres a ponny in my head_

_Glitter all over the room_

_Pink flamingoes in the pool_

_I smell like a mini bar_

_DJ passed out in the yard_

_Bobby's on the barbecue_

_This a hicky of a doo(is that what she said?)_

_Pictures of last night and It got online_

_Im screwed, Oh well_

_Its a blacked out blur but im pretty sure it ruled_

_Damn_

_LAST FRIDAY NIGHT_

_YA WE DANCED ON TABLE TOPS_

_YA TOOK TO MANY SHOTS_

_THINK WE KISSED BUT I FORGOT! _

_LAST-_

"Katniss, shut up. I think I'll die now. Thanks for the song, anyway. Tell Thresh im the one who stole his rocks. BAI NOW!" Rue died. I sniffle. I get a whole bunch of flowers and surround them around Rue. I then take her stuff and the boy's stuff and walk away. Then, as quietly as I can, I sit down on a log. Then i quietly started crying.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHWHYYYYYYYYYYY U FRIGGGIN CAPITOL! I SHOULD KILL ALL OF YOU NOW!AHHHHHHHHHH YOU FRIGGIN FAGGOTS!

Then the announcer man came on. "Wow, thank you Katniss for that wonderful comment. Anyways, congrats for the last six piggies alive, blah blah blah. Anyways, change of rules. Two tributes from the same districs may win. Ya, Katniss. We did that on purpose to make you even more miserable. Now you have to go home with Peeta."

"WHATS SO WRONG ABOUT PEETA?!" I hear Peeta shout a couple miles away. "Ahem, anyways, yeah. Bye." The intercon went off. The words sunk in. TWO PEOPLE CAN WIN! "PEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTAAAAAAA!" I scream. "What's up, Katty-Watty?" I hear him yell. I cover my mouth. Stupid. I'd better move. I start looking for him first thing in the morning. I come across a river. A stream of blood trickles at my feet. "Peeta?" I gulp slowly walking up the bank.

"Here to finish me off, sweetheart?"

I jump. "Peeta?" I whisper. No answer.

"Well, dont step on me. Trust me. A whole friggin herd of muttations trampled me."

I look down and squeak. "Peeta? What the hell? " He giggles. "Hi, Katniss. Nice of you to find whats left of me." "Ya, shutup and let me bathe you so I can see your wounds." He groans and sits up. "Take your pants off." I order. "I cant. I cant even unzip my pants. You're gonna have to do it." He grins, like this was his plan. Which it probably was. I sigh and start to pull them down looking away. Im going to skip this whole friggin scene. All im telling you is that Peeta is very ticklish below the belly-button.


	5. Chapter 5

"Katniss." Peeta mumbled. "Hmm?" I say. "Lemme tell you something. C'mere" I crawl over to him. We had found this cave, and Peeta refused to go anywhere else, so we had to stay here. "I didnt want anything. I just wanted you to c'mere." I pinch his ear(he hates that). "So when did you realize you were madly in love with me?" I ask him. "That day, when we were in music class, and you started singing something called "LAST FRIDAY NIGHT". I was like "I IS A GONER!" I made a face. "Ever since i was 5 I used to stalk you everday while you walk home from school. I was too friggin shy though. And you were so...so...REBELISH!" He exclaimed. I smiled. "Peeta, what the fu**. Eat your soup." I say. "NUUUUU!" He whined.

"EAT IT!"

"NEVAH!"

"EAT IT OR DIE"

"IT TASTE LIKE NASTINESS!"

I leaned in and kissed his stupid lips. His blue eyes widened. I sat back. He looked crazy. His blue eyes became large black circles. He was smiling from ear to ear. His tounge was lolling out. "Oh, Ill eat the soup Katniss. ANYTHING FOR MY KATTY-WATTY!" He squealed and wolfed down the soup. "Ya, you'd better, because i was about to just shove it down your throat." "Katniss, tell me a story. A happy story." Peeta sigh, climbing into the sleeping bag. "WELL FROST MY CAKE AND BAKE MY BUNS, THIS SLEEPING BAD IS EXTREMELY WARM!" He said. I crawl in with him. "Well, maybe because you have a friggin fever, Peeta." He starts crying. "OK, OK, GOSH! ILL TELL YOU THE FU**ING STORY, JUST SHUT UP!" His stupid blue puppy eyes stared at me expectantly.

"What?"

"Another kiss?"

"No."

So i began the story.


	6. Chapter 6

"Here is the story of me and you. And no, its not romantic, so stop looking at me like that." Katniss began.

Katniss and Peeta are walking around the victors village when all of a sudden a muttation jumps out of a bush.

Peeta: OH SH** WE ARE GONNA DIE

Katniss: Nuh-uh Ive got my bow. Ill kill it!

The muttation jumps up and eats her bow.

Katniss:...

Peeta: DO THE JINGLE! DO THE JINGLE!

Katniss: OH YA! LIKE A GOOD MENTOR, HAYMITCH IS THERE!

Haymitch appears beside them.

Haymitch: Wadya want?

Peeta and Katniss point at the muttation and scream: AHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGG

Haymitch: Quick huddle up!

They huddle up.

The muttation begins to charge.

Haymitch: IN MY HOUSE!

*_Le poof*_

Peeta and Katniss opens their eyes, and they are in Haymitch's house.

Peeta and Katniss: o.o

"The end." Katniss says, smiling. Peeta claps his hands and makes a weird seal noise. Next chapter -

**This was inspired by the State Farm commercial. LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR, STATE FARM IS THERE!**


	7. Chapter 7

I honestly didnt think the story was great. I just told it to make him shut up. TALK ABOUT A FRIGGIN MISSION IMPOSSIBLE! "Kiss?" Peeta ask, smiling. "We are in a muttation infested arena trying to survive against some blood-thirsty kids who have a suprising amount of weapons to rip us apart...and you're thinking about kissing, Peeta?" I say hitting him upside the head. "Yes. Yes i am." he says proudly. So I kiss him again. He makes that stupid look. A paracute clunks in front of the cave entrance. "HELLLLL YAAAAA!" I say grabbing it. OMG, IT IS SOME CHICKEN BROTH. But I dont really need it. Peeta does. While he eats half of it, I make up an equation.

One kiss= chicken broth

So complicated! My brain starts smoking. I dont understand this romantic stuff. So I just cuddle up with Peeta in the sleeping bag. What does Gale think about this?

_Gale back home_

"WHAT THE FU**! THAT BLONDE JACKA**! I SHOULD HAVE SHOT HIM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE! UGHH! CATNIP IS MINEEEE! MINEEE! IF THEY WIN, I SWEAR IM GONNA CRACK HIS FU**ING NUTS! THEY DONT BELONG TOGETHER! THERE SHIP NAME IS 'PEENISS' FOR PEETA'S SAKE!" Gale flipped his table over. Then he set his brother Rory on fire. He screamed in his pillow and began crying. Then he got some frosted squirell and sat in a corner, crying, eating it.

...

Gale probably understood. Very manly compared to Peeta. I sigh. A parcute clunked in front of the cave. I crawled over and got it, but nothing was in it exept a note from Haymitch

_French kiss. Naked. That'll make the crowd go wild. Or if youre not up for it, rip his shirt off, point at him and say "JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!"_

_From, Haymitch_

What the hell is wrong with him? Who is Justin Timberlake? I am not doing that sh**. I slap Peeta awake. "C'mon, youre not sick anymore. Lets go hunting." He smiled and ran outside.

I walked quietly through the woods. Peeta, on the other hand, sounded like a fu**ing dinosuar with only one leg. He started singing. "IF I WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND, I'D NEVER LET YOU GO-" "Don't you dare continue that line." I snap. "Can I see your bow?" he ask reaching for it. I jerked it away from him and hissed at him "MY PRECIOUS, MY PRECIOUS!" I spat. "What the hell?" Peeta said. I jumped on him and bit his arm. "OW, KATTY, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! ITS BLEEDING! IM SORRY, PLEASE DONT EAT ME!" He sobbed and he crawled under a tree and started trembling. I actually felt bad for him. Im a bi**. I admit it. Well, at least im a bi** about my bows. I trudged over to him. I hugged that stupid baker. "I'm sorry, Ok? I am very protective over my bows. Now go gather some berries or something." I say softly. He smiles and runs into a tree. I shake my head and set up some snares.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry guys for the long wait, been busy. Enjoy!**

**~Derpy**

"OOOOOOOOHHHH! IM OUT TO GET SOME BERRIES FOR KATNISS, BERRIES FOR KATNISS, BERRIES FOR KATNISS! IM OUT TO GET SOME BERRIES FOR KATNISS OR ELSE SHE'S GONNA KICK MY ASS!" I sang loudly. Im a bootiful singer, aren't I? I plop to the ground and start sniffing for berries. I come across a bush with some black looking berries on it. But, holy shit, a border collie jumps out. "My name is Humpty, the talking border collie dog. I am your loyal self-conscience, you can say, but everybody can see me, so im just your dog. Hey, dont eat those berries!" Humpty barked. I stared at him because I may be slightly unstable, but I never seen a talking dog before.

"Why?"

"Because they will kill yo ass."

"LIER LIER PANTS ON FIRE!"

"IM NOT EVEN WEARIN PANTS, YOU STUPID BAKER BITCH!"

I start crying because Gale used to call me that back at home. Humpty wimpers and starts crying, too. "Why are you crying?" I ask Humpty. "JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN BAG, PEETA." So i give it to him, it was full of black berry things. He disapeared for a minute, and i started crying again because he was so nice, but then he reapeared without the bag. "You really need to grow some balls, dude. I put the bag by the river. I think your girl is whistling for you." Humpty says, waving his tail at the footsteps. Katniss stomps out, all adorable and angry. "PEETA MUTHERFUCKIN MELLARK, I WAS WHISTILING FOR LIKE TEN MINTES! WHO IS THAT?" She shouts pointing at Humpty. I giggle and hug Humpty.

"This is my dog, Humpty! We cant eat him. He saved me from eating death berries." Katniss waved at Humpty. "Wait...death berries...you mean nightlock?" I gulped...oh...nightlock. She glared at me for a minute, then we heard a canon fire. We ran to the river and saw a dead Foxface being plucked from the rocks. "Serves that bitch right. She tried to eat me yesturday." Humpty muttered. Katniss turned on me. "Katniss! Im sowwy! I didnt know it was nightlock! I swear!" I cried. She scowled and stomped back to the cave, leaving me and Humpty crawling behind her.

"Heeeheeeeheehhehehhhehehheehhhehehehehehehehheheh ehehehhhheeeehehhhhheheeeehhhhheehehehehehhhhhhehe hehehehe!" I giggled.  
"AAHHOOAAHHAAHSEEEHETEHHHOHAWBWAHAHHAHAHOOHWAHAHAH AH!" Humpty howled.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Katniss screamed. Oh, thats just her way of saying "I loaf you!". I grinned and walked beside her. "We have to face Cato today. WE MUST NOT FAIL, PEETA!" She said, poking me in the eye. "Dont worry, Ill beat him with my bread Ivee been stashing for three days." Katniss looked like she was about to say something, but she just waved it off.


	9. Chapter 9

I trudged up a hill with Idiot 1 and Idiot 2 at my heels. "Psssstt, Humpty, me and Katniss are madly in love, so play along." Peeta whispers. Humpty nods. "OH, MY, THESE TWO PEOLE ARE SO MADLY IN LOVE, IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP THE FUR OFF MY BALLS!" Humpty said, loud and obvious. Peeta giggles. Assholes. I had no idea were we were going, I was just trying to get away from that wretched cave, in which Peeta explains his love for me.

_Flashback, yall!_

_"Katniss...Im in love with you."_

_"We've already established that Peeta."_

_"No, i mean real love. Like real real love...like real real REAL REAL LOVE!" Peeta said. He then flung himself at Katniss and connected his lips with hers._

_"Alright guys, we dont have any birth control up in here." Humpty says unconfortably. Katniss shoves Peeta off her, and scolded Humpty. "Bad dog, we dont talk about that stuff in front of the audience. There are some sensitive ears listening to this very conversation." Katniss explains. Humpty perks his ears. "REALLY? WELL, IN THAT CASE, FUCK YO CAPITOL! SUCK MY FURRY BALLS! PRESIDENT SNOW IS A FAGGOT SANTA CLAUSE!" Humpty howls._

_End of flashback._

__I shuddered. Furry balls. Eugh. There was a crack in the woods, and out came the all mighty...

CATO FATO!

But Cato ran right pass us. "RUN MUTHA FUCKAS!" He screeched. I was confused. Run away from what? Humpty whimpers and runs after Cato. I turned, and then saw what they were running from.

~le gasp~ Muttations...

"HOLY SHIT!" Peeta scrambled after me, who was already getting the fuck out of there. I ran like the crazy depressed love-deprived teenage girl I was. I leaped on to the cornucopia and spun around, expecting Peeta to be behind me.

But NUUUUUU!

Peeta was still on the ground running away from the wolf-like muttations. "Hey! Wheres Peeta! Holy Shit hes still running! WHAT YOU STANDIN THERE FO GIRL?! SAVE HIM!" Humpty snarled, which scared the shit out of me. I reached down for Peeta to grab my hand. He jumped to reach it, which was a absolute fail. He just crashed face first onto the gold cornucopia. "Shit." I heard him mutter as the mutts drew closer. "PEETA JUST GRAB MY MOTHERFUCKIN HAND!" I screamed. He reached up and..."Oh gosh..." He whimpered.

He ripped his pants.

Humpty broke out laughing. "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He howled. Even the mutts started laughing. Peeta's face turned red. Cato was still staring at us. Peeta's pants ripped right off him, leaving him in only boxers. "I KNEW THESE PANTS WERE CHEAP!" He sobbed. "PEEEETTTAAA! THEY ARE COMING! GRAB MY HAND! PLEASE!" I yelled at him. He jumped one more time and hung on to my hands.

"Twitches?"

"What?"

"Nevermind. Please pull me up."

I dragged Peeta on to the cornucopia. He stood up. "WELL, this is curtainly akward-ACK!" He gagged. Someone had his arms around Peeta's neck, choking him.

It was Cato.

"SUPRISE MUDAFUCKAS!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, guys. I noticed a reviewer that wants Peeta dead...bad news...im team peeta. ENJOY...OR NOT! R&R**

Cato held Peeta by the neck, choking him. I aimed my arrow at his balls but he said something that stopped me. "You shoot, he goes down with me." He rumbled. Peeta started crying/gagging and his face turned blue. He made a 'x' with his finger on Cato's hand. "WHAT?!" I whispered loudly. "SHOOT THE DUDE IN THE FUCKIN HAND!" He choked. I frowned. "But...!" "Katniss, you are a fuckface." Cato growled. Peeta's face boiled in anger. WELL. WHAT THE HELL IS A FUCK FACE? "YAAAAAAAA!" Peeta screamed. He lashed out two long loafs of bread. He grinned evily, releasing himself from Cato's grip.

"Try me, bitch."

They charged eachother. "CUPCAKE ATTACK!" Peeta roared. A flurry of cupcakes was torpedoed at Cato who screamed in shock. I just sat, watching with popcorn. "KNIFE INVASION THING!" Cato shouts. Knives went flying towards Peeta quickly did another move. "PITA BREAD SHEILD!" Peeta squeaked and a giant flat peice of Pita bread covered him as knives dug themselves into the bread. Peeta smirked. "Pie face." He said. A giant peice of pie flung itself into Catos face, making him fall over. He crashed to the ground, and the mutts attacked him. Cool Peeta turned back to weird, squeaky, soft, stupid, annoying Peeta. He looked at me. The announcements came on. "UHM...CHANGE OF RULES...only one tribute can win...sorry...wow, bummer..THAT WAS AN EPIC BATTLE THOUGH!" Then it went off. Humpty started at us. "Well then...that was...weird...well, whos gonna die?" He barked. I blinked. Only one tribute? DAMMIT. MUTHERFUCKIN CAPITOL! UGHH! "Katniss, you live. Ill just kill myself by bleeding to death." Peeta sigh. He was about to take his bandage off, but i stop him...oh, why did I do that?

I take out the nightlock..

DUH DUH DUH!

Peeta looks at me.

DUH DUH DUH!

Humpty does the Humpty Dance.

...

"We both eat it at the same time." I say.

DUH DUH DUH!

Peeta nods.

DUH DUH DUH!

"ONE...TWO...THR-"

"OMFG! DONT EAT THE BERRIES! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE NOW HAVE OUR 74TH HUNGER GAMES VICTORS!" The annoncement says. "Oh, holy shit, did yo eat some?" I ask Peeta. He shakes his head. So we sit on the cornucopia and wait for the hovercraft. Humpty starts singing. "ALL YA HAD TO DO WAS GIVE HUMPTY A CHANCE, AND NOW IM GONNA DO MY DANCE! DO THE HUMPTY HUMP! DO THE DO THE HUMPTY HUMP! DO THE HUMPTY HUMP, DO THE HUMPTY HUMP!" He howled.

_5 minutes later._

"PROMISCUOUS GIRL, WHEREEVER YOU ARE IM ALL ALONE, AND ITS YOU DAT I WANT!"

"PROMISCUOUS BOY, YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT I WANNA GO, WHATS YO WAITIN FO"

"PRO-"

"WILL YO PLEASE SHUT UP?!" I scream at Humpty, who flicks me the paw. The hovercraft finnaly comes. They release a ladder and me and Peeta climb onto the hovercraft, and Humpty is lifted inside by a claw. Then all of a fuckin sudden, they grab Peeta and drag him into a room. "PEEEETTTAAA!" I shout for some unknown reason. Me and Humpty are put in a glass room. "Peeta..." I say, sliding to the floor. Humpty is making a scary face **A/N: You know that face spongebob wa smaking when he found squidward eating crabby patties? Thats the face. **I stare at him. "You like Peeta, dont you Katniss?" He snickers. "SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" I say. He whimpers and crawls into a corner.

**To be continued...**

**Hey, sorry if it wasnt great, but trust me, my Catching Fire parody will be much funnier. Last chapter is comin! R&R! DO THE HUMPTY HUMP EVERYBODY!**


	11. Chapter 11

I wake up to be strapped onto a bed. Humpty is sitting by the bed, staring at me. "Hey girl." He said, nudging my hand. "Hey, Humpty, were am I?" I mumble. "Uhm...in a room. You went mad after they took Peeta. Stabbed a man in the ear. Beat Effie with a bow." He shrugged. I grin. MWHAHAHAHAA, SWEET REVENGE! Humpty continues. "Peeta is in the next room. They have been working on his leg. He's fine. Started singing Justin Bieber, but hes fine. And they tried to nuter me, but I bit at them and they let me go. NO ONE'S TAKIN MY BALLS!" Humpty howls. I try and wriggle out the straps, but it wouldnt budge.

Was I raped?

Humpty smirks. "You have a visitor." "MURR?" I say, because Im Katniss Everdeen. Someone walks into the room...

JUSTIN BEIBER?!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream. I free myself from the straps and fall on to the floor. He crawls towards me. "If I was you boyfriend I'd nevah lets yo go." He whispers in my face. "TAKE THIS, JUSTIN BEAVER!" I scream and punch him in the face. He snarls and lunges at me. I quickly grab a needle from a box and throw it at his eye. "OWWOOOWWOOOWOOW!" He sang. He then turned into a vampire. "I knew it! Heheehe..I guess Haymitch owes me 20 coins." Humpty gasp. Justin hissed at me. Holy shit, what was I supposed to do? I can barely walk! THINK...THINK...THINK! OH YA! "Hey Justin." He growls at me. "Selena says she left you for Haymitch." I wheeze. Justin screams in horror and I grab him by the collar and fling him out the window. Humpty stared at me in awe.

"Damn girl."

I stumble out the room. I must find Peeta. Why? I dunno. Humpty nudges me down the hall. "Hes in this room. I warn you. He's been injected with something...he's crazy." Humpty warns me, but I go in anyway. Peeta is painting his tounge. "Uhm...I'll be back." Humpty said. He skitted out the room. "Hay Katthis" Peeta said. "Hello, Idiot Peeta." I say, sitting on the hospital bed. He yips and headbutts me. "What the-" He flung himself at me, and I am suddenly pinned on the bed. "Are you gonna rape me?" I ask. He just says "Dont...move." Then he swings at something behind me. OMY GOSH, ITS AN EVIL DOLL! "My name is talking Tina, AND IM GOING TO KILL YOUR FACE." It said. Peeta set it on fire and flung it out the window. "Uhm, anyways, Katniss, lets get off the train."

So we stroll down the track in silence until Humpty comes out the bushes...human? "Hey guys, my friend is and inventor, and he changed me into a human." Humpty says, smiling. He had jet black hair, with turqoise eyes. He only had boxers on. "Katniss, do you love me?" Peeta ask, sucking his ? How do I answer that? Humpty stares at us. "Shuggah honey tender roni." He says patting me on the back. "Tell the truth." Then he ducks into the bushes. "Peeta. It was all for the games. The lover thing." I say sheepishly. Then Justin B. Jumps off a tree. "BULLSHIT!" He says and runs on to the train. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !" Peeta sobbed and ran onto the train. Shit. "I think you need help from my friend, R. Kelly." Humpty says from the bushes. Then a dude with braids and sunglasses appeared beside me. "Honey, you should have lied. There is nothing wrong with a little bump n' grind baby. He loves you. And you need to give him that _ toot toot!_" says. I just stare at him. What did that mean? Fart on him? Put him in a meat grinder? R. Kelly smiled and walked into the sunset. "He's really more clear. C'mon baby girl, lets get on the train." Humpty says.

I didnt see Peeta for the rest of the day. Then I realized something.

I forgot to tell Gale that I ate his long lost brother.

**This chapter did not make sense, but once again, Catching fire parody will be much better. Dont understand what happened? Humpty was turned into a human. You'll understand why I did this later into the Parody. Uhm, anyways, first chapter of catching fire coming soon. Will be longer than this parody, more funnier. Hope you enjoyed! R&R!**


	12. Acknowledgments

**Hey guys, this is the end of this parody. Go and check out my Catching Fire: The Official Sequel. I, for one, think its very funny. But I wanna know what you guys think. Read it and review it, In the name of Humpty. Should I continue the series,like, beyond the Mockingjay Epilouge? Go into the lives of adult Peeta and Katniss(i giggle everytime i say that)? I think I should, I have plenty of ideas. **

**Spoiler alert if I DO continue the series beyond Mockingjay: HUMPTY WILL HAVE TWIN BOYS AND A GIRL, AND THE TWINS WILL BE BAD, LIKE, STEWIE BAD. WHO DO YOU THINK IS THE MOTHER?**

**Uhm, anyways, thank you all for the views and reviews, and I really appreiciate your comments on the parody! Please do leave ideas! I love expressing my ideas online so others can see. Anyways, thanks for the views!**

**And unless you want Humpty to set Peeta's underwear on fire...R&R!**

**And also..for Peet's sake, ENOUGH WITH THE *PEETA IS A STUPID BRONY WHO CRIES ALOT AND IS VERY UNLUCKY FANFICS!* Im a hypocrite...sorry...but Peeta says he only has, like, half of those things.**

**BYE!**

**~Derpy**

**P.S-Humpty says gimme all your money.**


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